So a story from tonight about consent:
I was supposed to meet a guy I’d been talking to for about a week, and we were meeting pretty much to see if we liked each other because we’d both expressed interest in having casual sex and/or a friends with benefits relationship. I got to the coffee shop where we were supposed to meet and he wasn’t there. I checked my phone, and here he’d sent a text saying “Can we just skip the date and fuck?”
I have pretty strict rules when it comes to guys who want to have casual sex with me - and this includes meeting them first to see if we’re compatible and see if I would even trust being alone with them - so I said no, I was not comfortable with that. And he continued to send me messages about skipping the date and fucking, and sending coercing messages like “c’mon, pretty please?” that were supposed to make me feel bad. Eventually, ten minutes past when we were supposed to meet (he’d never showed up anyway), I said,
"Look, I’m not even comfortable meeting you anymore, even in public. I have clear boundaries and you are showing no respect for them, so I am going home."
His response was incredibly flippant - “lol ok w/e.” Which meant that he never really cared whether he had sex with me or not in the first place, and he never cared about me as a person with feelings.
Dodged a bullet there, as he very well could’ve turned into a rapist when we were alone; I blocked him from my phone and OKC, and I hope I never run into him on the street.
(Also, before anyone says I’m overreacting by saying he could’ve turned into a rapist - he was displaying a lot of predatory behavior when he was messaging me about skipping the date. We had already agreed to meet before we decided to take it any further or not, and instead of still honoring that rule, he broke it and wanted to just skip to having sex right away without so much as a hello. He was asking me for nudes even after I said I wasn’t comfortable with it, etc. He was not respecting my consent about sex-related things, so he probably wouldn’t have respected my consent about actual sex.)
S: You were totally justified in your response. He sounds like a scumbag.
Some people might say that an attitude like the one I just expressed is too uptight, too judgmental, too whatever, but I don’t really care. Everybody, regardless of sex, gender, or orientation needs to be careful when dating, but we especially have to be extra careful when it comes to online dating. We all think we’re great at weeding out the weirdos, but even when you’re a pro, some still slink on through.
Do you, baby. You were 100% right to feel how you felt… and it sounds like you were justified in it, too.